40 wks (4ds)

I really didn't want to write this post. Really. If that wasn't evident by my avoiding it for 4 days. There's something seriously depressing about going over your due date (and I'm sure most women who have can attest), so on Thursday all I wanted to do was curl up and hormonally cry over the fact that everyone in the world was having a baby except for me. Jason ended up coming home from work early because every time he talked to me I was just sobbing because, oh my god, I am so tired and uncomfortable. But then I talked to my sister and mom and they decided to come up Friday to spend the weekend with me and I definitely cheered up after that. Well, I cheered up till Friday when I had my Dr's appointment, at least. I knew going to my 40wk appointment would just make me upset, because I was warned at my 39wk appt that at the 40wk one we would set an induction date. Joy of joys. And when I had my cervical check and was told that I am still 2cm. and 70% effaced after 4 weeks? Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't break down into hormone fueled tears of frustration. We set an induction date for Friday, January 20 which would put me at 41wks 1d. He's definitely trying to give me time to go on my own, but without letting me go for too long. He even double checked all my ultrasound measurements from 7, 8 and 11 wks to make sure he wasn't shorting me out of time. THen on Tuesday while he's working at Winnie Palmer he wants me to go to Triage so he can check me out and strip my membranes and hopefully send me into labor for Tuesday (since he said he'd really like to deliver my baby himself if we can urge my body to comply). It's good, I know. But there's something about being pregnant for what feels like 2 years at this point (no, seriously, over a year of trying? over 9 months of being pregnant? It's felt like the 2+ year long pregnancy) that makes you go "Just get her out of me now and to hell with whatever pregnancy plan I had."

This all came to a head on Sunday, for me. Friday mom and Kirsty got here and we went to Target (where I got an Exercise Ball and OH DEAR GOD, if you are pregnant and do not have one GET ONE. This is the most amazing thing that has happened to my pregnancy and how did I do over 40 wks without it?!) and out to eat for lunch and then to the movies (Beauty and the Beast in 3D!) and out to dinner again! Then on Saturday we walked and walked and walked that afternoon before going to Babies 'R' Us and the grocery store. Jason made an awesome dinner while I bounced around on my new exercise ball and then all the girls went out for a long walk since I started having those annoying stronger-than-BH-contractions-but-it's-not-labor-contractions and we wanted to encourage them. At home Jason made us pineapple smoothies and I sat on my ball more and the contractions definitely got worse to the point where I had to breathe through them (but I refused to time them because I was still convinced they weren't real). After a shower and letting my mom rub my back I went to bed around 10 because I was just exhausted. The contractions woke me up off and one while I was sleeping and finally around 12:50am I started timing them. At 3am Jason and I were both up and they were between 3-5 min apart, lasting for around a minute each, and they definitely hurt because I stopped talking and would just have to put my head down and breathe. but it didn't feel like it hurt ENOUGH for them to count (even though they persisted whether I was sitting, standing, walking, laying down, eating, drinking or showering). So we woke up my mom who hung out with us for a couple hours to monitor me and - sure enough - they began to start wavering in intensity, length and time between. So i went to bed again at 5am and they totally stopped. I woke up on Sunday and was SO FRUSTRATED that I could do nothing but cry. Again. Guys I swear this past week has been nothing but me crying over "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? D:" But Jason made pancakes and my mom and sister were encouraging.

However, at around noon I realized that I hadn't felt my normally very active baby move in about 8 hours. Not after pancakes, not after a small cup of coffee, nothing. So my mom encouraged Jason and I to go over to Winnie just to check her out and maybe I'd get some answers as to why I'm having Labor Fools Day jokes played on me. The triage at Winnie was super nice and helpful and we found Bebe's heartrate to be strong and ranging from high 130s to low 150s. And then the nurse checked my cervix and found... nothing. 2 cm. and 70% effaced. Baby had actually moved UP from a -1 station to a -3 station. But when she brought in the portable ultrasound machine to ensure baby's head was down she saw that it wasn't in the right position, meaning it wasn't over my cervix so no wonder my cervix is doing shit. After that the Dr on call ordered a BPP (Bio-Physical Profile) to assess the baby's condition in the womb and make sure she has enough fluid and isn't in distress and try to make her move. THe tech got 3 movements after prodding her and she passed with an 8 out of 8 - meaning she's doing just peachy, thankfully. Her whole body is curled along my right side with her feet on my left which is why she's still jabbing me with her feet (when she isn't terrifying me by not moving). Because there was no cause for concern they sent us home. Which, at that point, was kind of bittersweet. Yes, it's much better to not have to be induced, but after that 12-5am stint the night before I was so discouraged and so tired and so frustrated that I half wanted to sterilize a crochet needle and break my water myself just to finally get this over with. Based on the info we got from the hospital, my mom and Kirsty left that night and will return when I eventually have the baby. If it doesn't happen Tuesday after my appt, it will be Friday. And it's nice just to have an End Date, because it reminds me that I won't be pregnant forever, even though I feel like it. (NOTE: the u/s pic is her looking at you. It's so weird and alien, I know).

Today I am feeling better. Mostly because I have discovered the term "Prodromal Labor" and feel like I'm not crazy, finally. Because what I've been experiencing intermittently since 37wks isn't Braxton Hicks. I have had BH contractions I could feel since my 2nd trimester, and I have them constantly in between these Prodromal Labor episodes. These contractions are painful, they are regular, and they do not stop when I change activity or eat and drink. These contractions last for hours and then... stop. And these contractions make me feel like I am slowly losing my mind. THIS blog states that: "I've got a feeling that more often than not, its caused by the baby's position. It's like the body needs to use those contractions to align the baby's head just right. A positioning tool!" which, after hearing that her head isn't in the ideal spot, has made a lot of sense for me and doesn't make me want to call the entire experience "fake" because even though it's done shit to help my cervix, maybe it's actually helping something. Then I found THIS blog with lots of stories from moms who have dealt with Prodromal Labor like mine, where it goes on for WEEKS and HOURS at a time. It's done a lot to help me feel not so completely discouraged. Because Prodromal Labor is apparently notorious for not just being physically exhausting (you're up for hours timing contractions that just STOP) but for being mentally and emotionally draining as well. It's disheartening and discouraging and makes you feel like something is wrong with you because why won't your body push this into Active Labor? So today is a much better day. There's a name for what I'm going through, so I'm not alone. And Tuesday may give me some more answers. And, if not? By Friday night, come hell or high water, I WILL be holding my baby.

And, for the record, yes. I have tried what got me into this, walking, pineapple, spicy food, raspberry leaf tea, etc, etc, ad nauseum. I am not doing castor oil because the risk of an in uterine bowel movement terrifies me (and everyone I know who has done it has still not had success), and I have not done Evening Primrose Oil because it just weirds me out, I've used enough vaginal suppositories this pregnancy. I have lost my Mucus Plug and had the "bloody show" but that was a week ago so I am sure it has grown back by now. I've also had other, much grosser, symptoms I won't elaborate on but apparently it's a sign of labor. Though that is usually accompanied by a Prodromal Labor session so now it does not excite me anymore. Trust me. I have looked up every way to induce labor short of accupuncture. My mom and sister were even doing the pressure point massages this weekend, lol! Basically, whatever kept her hanging on at 5wks is keeping her hanging on now, so I can't blame her too much.

And how is our little procrastinator doing this week? According to the BPP, very well! I forgot to ask the tech how big she looked, but according to my Dr's rough estimate he guesses between 7.5 to 8 lbs. God only knows how big she'll be on Friday. My poor lady parts. Anyways, this is about the size of a small pumpkin. Yes. A pumpkin. BabyCenter has run out of information to give me about development since she's pretty much all developed in there. Her skull plates aren't fused together so they can overlap and fit through the birth canal. I'll be able to call her "my little conehead" or something. I'm sure she'll love the nickname.