12 wks (4ds)

Hey look, it’s the pregnancy blog reboot! So baby #2 is on the way and we’re ecstatic! I’m going to try and summarize the last three months for you all so we can be caught up on this baby.

Around Lila’s first birthday Jason and I started discussing when we wanted to have another. My doctors had all been consistent in telling me that I shouldn’t wait more than two years between kids or I could run into the same difficulties conceiving that I had before. Our problem was that I had just returned to college to finish the last 3 classes I needed for my degree and wasn’t going to be done until mid-December. In the end we decided that we would begin trying in June. This would give us 6 months of trying naturally so that after I finished school we would be able to jump into fertility treatments immediately if we had problems. Neither of us were really getting our hopes up that this would be easy, especially after striking out twice.

I started my final class (Spanish II) on August 19, the day before my period was due. My first assignment was to have a speech memorized, recorded, and posted for Wednesday. I had a total freak out over it. On Wednesday night I was borderline panic attacking over not being able to memorize it and messing up constantly and poor Jason tried everything he could to get me to calm down. We eventually got the speech recorded and called it a night. The next day I remember telling him that I felt so drained and worn out from it that it was like I’d just been zapped of energy. It was Friday when I realized that I should have gotten my period on Tuesday. Neither of us really thought anything of it. I was stressed out with this class. I was exhausted, broken out worse than a Proactive commercial, and late. So what if those were my exact symptoms with Lila, there was no way the third time was the charm and we weren’t getting our hopes up that it was. I told him that if I didn’t have it by the time I woke up I would take a test.

The next morning – instead of a period – I got two pink lines on my HPT. Jason pumped his fist in the air, we called our parents, and we celebrated at Magic Kingdom.

The next day I had a little bit of bleeding. Nothing heavy and I stayed weirdly, remarkably calm. Kept off my feet, drank water, and thought positively. I wasn’t even 4 weeks yet, so literally there was nothing else to do. There was no more blood after that and I chalked it up to some residual implantation bleeding.

On Monday I went to my Doctor’s office for a blood draw. With Lila my Progesterone wasn’t ideal so I needed to know if I had to take progesterone supplements again. On Wednesday I fount out that my hcG was 848 and my progesterone was 19.6! Perfect! I had one more blood draw and on Friday I got the call that my hcG was multiplying beautifully and was 2,898. I was officially pregnant and could breathe!

For a little while, at least. A couple weeks later on a Thursday night I started having some bad cramping in my back with a few shooting pains. The next morning they really hadn’t gone away. I called my doctor’s office just to see what I should do since the weekend was approaching and they had me come in to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic. Right away we saw the baby – implanted up high with a steady fhr of 150. Cramping was thanks to all that fun iron in my new prenatals. Ugh. Prenatals.

After that everything progressed normally and undramatically. I was exhausted, plagued by headaches which made giving up coffee cold turkey impossible, and spent more than a few day feeling like I was going to hurl without ever actually hurling. My cravings were all over the place. I went from craving fried chicken, cheesy bread and steak to feeling ill every time I took a bite of meat. I went from not wanting anything sweet to almost crying in happiness when Jason surprised me with éclairs.

Perhaps the biggest sign that I was pregnant came in the form of my inability to handle full days at a theme park once I hit 8wks. Several times by 3:00 my body was just done with the day. Everything hurt, everything sucked, and all I wanted was to curl up and sleep for a year. Another Food & Wine festival just out of my reach! At least there were Belgium waffles to drown my sorrows in.

Despite all of this, however, it’s been really hard for me to believe I’m pregnant. I know I am, since I’m already showing and I’ve felt miserable for three months, but it’s not really clicking in my brain that I’m going to be a mom to two. It’s just been difficult to comprehend this time around. It’s a calmer, less dramatic pregnancy and conception, and sometimes I really have to stop and force myself to believe that there’s a small human inside of me. Lila loves to pull up my shirt and point at my belly and yell “Baby!” She even pointed at the ultrasound screen the other day and declared “Baby!” as well. So I think she’s understanding and comprehending as much as her little mind can. I hope. If she can do it I should start believing it soon too.

Friday was our 12wk appointment and the first time we were going to hear the baby with the Doppler. So I thought. I endured the most nerve wracking few minutes as our doctor went over my belly with the Doppler and only found my heartbeat. She was great at telling me to calm down, and managed to hear it very, very briefly (for about a second). But since she’s a total sweetheart and could see I was about to cry told me she would take me to ultrasound so I could see and hear it for myself. We got in there, and baby popped right up on screen. After a bit of maneuvering, the little flicker of its heart appeared and eventually we got the sound. 152 bpm. Apparently I have an anterior placenta. Meaning that instead of implanting towards the back (closer to the spine) and growing in front of the placenta, the baby implanted near the front and is growing behind it. Which the doctor assured me was fine, it just will make it harder to feel movement and find the hb. And, as the ultrasound picture shows, baby wasn’t being cooperative anyways. Its head is turned away from of us and its laying curled up on its stomach. You can see the bottom of its feet and the curve of its spine. This one is not fond of showing off the way Lila was!! It just wanted to sleep and be left alone.

Once we heard the heartbeat and knew for sure the baby was doing well, Jason and I finally decided to go public with our exciting baby news. I had wanted to do a fun birth announcement that was a little creative and different and involved Lila. I thought of the “bun in the oven” idea after seeing the Halloween costume of a pregnant woman as an oven. Lila was a perfect model! She even resisted trying to eat the cinnamon bun until after I finished taking pictures, so I rewarded her with half of it. Writing the date on that bun was way way harder than it ever should have been, but I’m super proud of the whole outcome!

In conclusion: Baby is .49 oz, 2 . 1 inches and is the size of a plum. I’m +2 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight (which!! Was the same as my LAST pre-pregnancy weight! Just in time!) and I’m craving cookies and spinach fruit smoothies. I have no idea if it’s a boy or a girl, but any time someone says they hope it’s a boy or ask if I hope it’s a boy I vindictively want it to be a girl (which probably means it will be a boy). Really though, we’d be ecstatic either way. A boy would be great, but having a sister close in age would be fun for Lila. So either or! We find that out November 30th. I’m 12wks 4days and I’m due on May 6, 2014. Welcome back to my blog!

And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before

So Saturday Jason and I went to 4D Picture Perfect with our parents and 2 of my sisters to see our little Bebe. I was super excited/nervous about this! Excited because, well, obviously. I wanted to see my baby! I hadn't seen her in NINE WEEKS and I was dying to see her move. Nervous because I really needed her to move and give us some pictures since I wouldn't be able to come back to redo the ultrasound. I'd been drinking a gallon of water to help my amniotic fluid be clear for the past 5 days, I didn't eat at all before the scan, and I brought my container of OJ to drink in case she was uncooperative (despite the inevitable Reflux it would give me). I even had Jason load up the song that never fails to get her moving when it comes on my play list: "Under the Sea." I was ready as ever!

giving us some smiles
The people at 4D Picture Perfect were absolutely lovely, and if you're having a baby in the South Florida area I highly recommend them! We all went in and gathered around various flat screen televisions set up to display my uterus to my family and I got up on the bed area and bam! There was my little girl! Right away we could see she was still a girl, so that's 3 for 3! Then we saw her heart beat (143bpm) and that made me happy. The tech informed me that her back was to us and she was in a Transverse Lie position. This means Bebe is lying sideways across me with her head on my right and her butt at my left. Probably explains why I can still button (some) of my jeans! Anyways, she said Bebe looked like she was trying to move head down, but I'm going to ask my Dr about it anyways.

Cheeks, lips, nose, ears. And see those little sideburns? Those are mine exactly
So I drank some OJ and laid on my side and Bebe shifted a bit and gave us a profile shot! She's so beautiful!!! The first thing the tech said was that she had a full head of hair! Which made me feel so justified in this awful Reflux I've been having, let me tell you. Then we saw big round cheeks, full lips (that my sister called 'Shiloh lips'), and an upturned nose! She was still being a little stubborn, so Jason held his iPhone to my stomach and played "Under the Sea." You think it's silly that a fetus can have a favorite song? It's not silly. As soon as it started you could see her moving her arms to it! I even felt her kick a bit too! It was such a riot and we were all laughing about it. I moved around a bit and we got to see Bebe stick her whole hand in her mouth. Considering we saw her sucking her thumb at 11 weeks, I guess she's got a bit of an oral fixation! She kept sucking on her fingers throughout the session. Hopefully this means she won't have too much trouble latching when she's born.

Sucking on her fingers!
At the end Bebe decided she was done and rolled over to show us her back and that was the end of that! We got some pictures, a CD of more pictures and a dvd of the ultrasound! Afterwards we all went out for breakfast and exclaimed over how cool the whole thing was. I always feel so relieved after I see her and can know that she's okay and happy and safe in there. Now if only she'd turn, because she's getting a little big to be laying like she is. Kinda makes my stomach and lungs and ribs feel a bit out of place!


Bebe's ultrasound, for those who have a lot of time on their hands, haha!

20wks (3ds)

And we have reached the halfway mark, ladies and gentlemen! I am officially climbing down hill now. Which doesn't seem quite right because I still feel like it's super early still. As slow as I felt like my pregnancy was moving in the beginning, it is mind boggling to realize that it has already been 20 weeks. With that in mind, I'm positively panicky about how much there still is to do before she gets here! I suppose though that even if right this second I had her nursery done and every item I possibly needed I still wouldn't feel as if we were ready. Does anyone? But we're chugging along. Jason is living at work and I now cannot remember a time where I did not find it to be an extreme necessity to eat cake. Seriously. I have to have it in the house or the world might as well be ending. This week's cake is German Chocolate and now I am going to get a piece while I finally finish writing this. Other than my cake needs, I've had some not-so-fun new symptoms. Like back pain. Wednesday it hurt so bad that I didn't even want to move from the couch (even though that didn't exactly make it feel better). After some tylenol and a long body-temp bath (oh how I miss hot baths) I was feeling not much but somewhat better. Fortunately it hasn't been that bad since. I've also gotten a bit of a bloody nose. Not that it's running like a faucet, but every time I need to blow my nose I can tell. Fun stuff right?! But I'll take it. Symptom-wise I've been very lucky and have had it relatively easy so it's difficult to complain. I am really LOVING being pregnant, even with the back pain and bloody nose and breakouts.

I'm feeling her move all the time now, and even Jason has felt her a few times now!! I made a mix of some of my favorite classic Disney songs and put my headphones into my computer and hook the ear pieces into my pants so that they press against my stomach so that she can hear. They say classical music stimulates the brain, maybe Disney stimulates the imagination? Who knows! I just want her to come out loving that place as much as her daddy and I do. What's funny is that, without fail, as soon as we get to the Little mermaid music she gets super active and then settles back down again for the rest. I don't think I need to be worried about Disney love. Also exciting! I got the cloth diapers I ordered! Since I'm going to be a Stay at Home Mom I have decided to opt for the Cloth Diaper option for a lot of reasons, but it doesn't hurt that they're adorable. I have a dozen right now so I'm about halfway there with the amount I should start with! Now if Target's website will cooperate so I can register for the other ones I need that would be just swell.

But, hands down, the most exciting thing this week was our Anatomy Scan! Guys I can't even tell you, I was so petrified. I've been spending waaay too much time watching A Baby Story and reading pregnancy forums apparently, because every possible scenario was running through my mind of what could go wrong. My sleep that night? Was maybe an hour. And when I sat in the waiting room at the OB office I was seriously jittery. I mean, I couldn't WAIT to see my little girl again, but I was so convinced by this point that my second trimester had been too easy after my first that I just knew something would be wrong. We got called and went back to the room, lifted up my shirt and there she was on screen looking as beautiful as always. We told the tech we'd found out she was a SHE but we'd like confirmation and she found it super fast for us. Bebe is DEFINITELY still a girl!!! The tech also counted all her fingers and all her toes. Bebe did not like waking up at 7:30 and demonstrated his by first putting a hand over her ear and then by yawning very largely. She's DEFINITELY my daughter!! The tech found two kidneys with nothing abnormal, a perfectly working four chambered heart, a brain that was no cause for concern, and measuring at an exact 20 weeks. She was even declared to be "textbook perfect!" Later we met with the doctor who said her weight was in the 53rd percentile meaning she is perfectly sized and not too big or too small. All and all, he shrugged and said there was nothing to be concerned about and would see us in 4 weeks! I'm also +6 lbs. from my starting weight. I was concerned that I hadn't gained enough but no one said anything to me so I guess I'm fine!

This week, aside from being "textbook perfect" Bebe is 10.5 ounces and 6.5" making her about the size of a cantaloupe. Bebe is practicing swallowing right now, and all that amniotic fluid she's ingesting is accumulating in her bowels into a tar-like substance called meconium that will end up being her first diaper. Not much else has really changed with her developmental wise (at least according to the websites), but that's fine because even though I can't wait to meet her she's already growing up too fast. But I'll leave you with a couple more u/s photos!

she's still a girl!

close up profile

16wks (3ds)

Oh man was this a great week! I am doing really well. Energy is up and thriving and I'm really starting to get my appetite back! Even my headaches haven't been as bad this past week. And, of course, yesterday was great, and that wasn't even supposed to be part of this blog post but whatever. It's exciting. The first part of the week was absurdly slow moving, as if the whole world knew I was anxious to find out the gender of my baby and was conspiring to make me wait as long as humanly possible. It was torture. I did a lot of sleeping since time tends to pass faster and less boringly when you sleep through it. But eventually the day came and though I had slept through the week I was barely able to get a little over 4 hours sleep that night. Go figure. I was able to down about three glasses of OJ in addition to my bagel in an attempt to force that child into movement. Fortunately it worked! Any pregnant women who want to ensure their fetus is not asleep during an ultrasound? Drink lots of OJ before your appointment. Mine was doing back flips and acrobatics in there. We got to the appointment and they had me do another Chinese Gender prediction test and it said clearly Boy. It was Boy surrounded by other Boys. And the guy said they had a 90% success rate with the chart.

So we get into the room and it's huge and they're playing Coldplay lullaby music so Jason automatically approved of it. The tech was super nice and she talked us through the whole thing and Jason sat up on the bed with me and we watched the ultrasound on this huge flatscreen. At first we couldn't see much because Bebe was lying in the most absurd position, but after a few deep coughs there was a shift and the tech goes "There we go!" and we go "... what is it?" "You can't tell?" "..." "Well-" *zooms in* "What isn't there?" "OH MY GOD SHE'S A GIRL!" And we found out our little Bebe was a beautiful, slightly alien looking, flexible little GIRL. The voting was 12 for girl, 4 for boy - so way to go majority! She had her head on the bottom and her whole body flipped over it like an extreme Yoga master who was a former Russian acrobat. We got to watch her for about 15min and I could watch her for hours and hours and hours. Afterwards I dragged Jason to Babies 'R' Us so we could find an adorable GIRLY outfit for Bebe. Not that she won't have a million cute girly outfits by the time she is born, but I wanted to be able to say "I got this the day I found out I was having a little girl" and so we got one! Of course, since we're rather obsessed with our cats, we had to get one with cats!!


if you're really bored and interested, Bebe's 13:14min ultrasound

OKAY. Bebe specifics. And, yes, still calling her Bebe for now because while we THINK we have a name we want to try calling the baby by it to make sure we like it and it sounds good to us. So Bebe she will remain for the present! Bebe is 4.5" long and 3.5 ounces and is about the size of an avocado. While at the grocery store the other day I picked one up and held it to my stomach and went "hey honey it's our daughter!" I really couldn't believe something that big was growing in me and will KEEP growing and getting BIGGER. Legs have grown longer and stronger (as we saw in that ultrasound) and her head is a lot more erect too. Her eyes have moved to the front of her head and her ears are almost in their final position. Scalp patterning has begun too, even though there isn't hair yet. But she has started growing toenails! In the ultrasound we could see her little heart fluttering, which it should be since now her heart is pumping 25 quarts of blood to her body each day and this will keep increasing until birth! I still haven't felt her moving, even though I know she's kicking up a storm in there. But I've been assured that I might not feel her until around 20wks since this is my first baby. Oh well! As I told a friend, from the way she's moving I might be begging her to STOP kicking before too long once I feel her start!!

11 wks (3ds)

Ding dong the clot is GONE! That's right people. No more subchorionic hematoma for me or Bebe! Guys I am so over the moon happy that I'm still on a high from it. I had my doctor's appt at 8:45am on Friday and I was so nervous. I had visions of going in there and being told that my clot wasn't gone and it was in fact bigger. Of being told that I couldn't go to Wisconsin. But I held it together (okay, that's a lie, I got into an argument with Jason on the way there over something stupid and cried hysterically for about 15 min. It's a miracle I didn't walk into my appointment looking like Lady Gaga) and went through the motions! My doctor was stuck in a meeting so I got to meet another doctor at the practice and she was fantastic! She tried the doppler on me even though I was only 11wks and we got a nice strong heartbeat after a little searching which made me breathe a bit easier as we went into the ultrasound. The u/s tech was an absolute doll and she did the first u/s abdominally where I got to see Bebe wiggling and squirming like crazy! Just as restless as his/her mama. She happily explained that there was no sign of a clot whatsoever and the heartbeat was a very healthy 166bpm. That was just the most beautiful words ever. And watching Jason point at the u/s screen exclaiming over Bebe moving around and different features was just as beautiful.

The u/s tech took us back to the nurses who put us in an exam room to wait for the doctor, but before the doctor came back she went and got us again. Because I'd had bleeding previously in my pregnancy she wanted to check my cervix just to make sure it was alright and there wasn't any signs of anything. So I went back with her and changed for the internal u/s. I know they're more invasive and uncomfortable, but I would not mind doing them every time if it means I can see my baby that clearly and beautifully each time. Bebe was SO CLEAR! We even got this amazing view of his/her brain! There's two hemispheres

and it looked like a perfect black and white miniature model of a human brain. Jason was ecstatic over that and requested a picture of that. Leave it to my husband to be obsessed with his baby's brain (I love you honey!). Then the u/s printed us out another set of photos and we got the absolutely phenomenal one you see here to the right. A perfectly clear and detailed picture of Bebe sucking on his/her thumb! There's toes and fingers and a nose and a mouth and a tiny eye fused shut and just these tiny limbs! I have been starring at this picture for the past two days obsessively, you have no idea. I'm half convinced it's the greatest ultrasound picture to ever be taken ever - especially at this early stage. Anyways, after that u/s - where we were assured my cervix was just fine - we went back to see the doctor who answered all of our questions. Seriously, Jason pulled out his phone where we'd written all the things we wanted to ask but were worried we'd forget after seeing Bebe. The doctor told us we were the cutest couple she'd ever seen as we did this. After the doctor's appointment we ran errands until almost 5pm and then came home and did a ton of cleaning and stuff so I was so exhausted that I passed out without writing this entry on Friday. Then Saturday I went to my husband's cousin's daughter's first birthday - which was a Tinkerbell theme, so you know I was thrilled with it - and we didn't get back till late and I passed out again.

But today! I was determined to write this today! My due date was moved up one day to January 12, which makes Bebe 11 weeks 3 days and 1.6" - about the size of a small lime (if you measure it horizontal, not vertically). Bebe has been growing hair follicles and tooth buds and nail beds. Ears are almost in their normal shape and the tiny nose has even teenier nasal passages. Bones are beginning to harden too! As we saw in our ultrasound, Bebe is busy moving and kicking and stretching, even if I can't feel them. Bebe's even hiccoughing now as the little diaphragm forms, but I can't feel that either. As for me, I have

been nauseous all week and I threw up for the first time on Friday!! Shush, I'm excited. It was barely anything and only because I was chewing up my prenatals and all of a sudden the texture had me gagging so bad the prenatals came back up. But it made me smile for a little because I felt pregnant! Also, apparently I do have a bump as my friend Lucy put this photomanip together to convince me of my 4wk and 10wk photos. Thanks Lucy. My dreams have also been insane. The other night I had a dream that I had the baby at 20wks but she (in my dream I had a girl) was the size of a full term baby and all she wanted to do was sleep. And I kept waking her up to feed and I put her back in her crib and said to Jason "I'm going to be really sad when I wake up and this is a dream." Which of course in dream world is cue for the dream to just deteriorate into the absurd and the baby started talking, walking and going to History classes with me. So, definitely a dream. Additionally: My face is absurdly broken out and the idea of meat products are completely unappetizing.

On July 7 I will be in my 2nd trimester!! This excites me so much. I want to be able to breathe. And I'm still on light activity until then so I'm excited to be able to be more active. And I'm excited to have an appetite again! Also, my next ultrasound isn't until 20wks so I've talked Jason into doing the Gender Reveal at a 3D ultrasound studio at 16 weeks because I cannot wait 9 weeks to find out if I'm having a boy or girl. Right now Jason is thinking boy, but I've been pretty convinced from the moment I found out I was pregnant that it's a girl. I don't know why. But I'd love a boy, so either way I'd be insanely excited. Speaking of ultrasounds, I'm going to leave you with some images from this weeks! Until later ♥

Top of Bebe's head and both arms

View from the back, laying on side

No more pictures, Bebe wants to go back to sleep

Big brained baby

And one more of my favorite picture! Bebe and the beloved thumb.

8 wks

If I finish this entry in the next 45 minutes I will be exactly 8 weeks pregnant today which makes this my first post that is exactly on time and I deserve a damn cookie for that. No, seriously, cookies sound fantastic right now. As I said in my last entry, this week has been an introduction to (lol) morning sickness which is more like night sickness since I'm just peachy when the sun is out. I can deal with the nausea and today at my Dr's appt he said that he was GLAD to hear I was nauseous because it was a really good sign. So now I feel vindicated. And tonight when I was feeling queasy I was happy about it. Will I be happy if I start tossing those cookies I just said I wanted? Well, happy will be a vast overstatement but I will take it because it means Bebe is doing fabulous things. My boobs feel huge, and fitting into my normal bras is getting uncomfortable. I've also started unbuttoning my jeans when I sit down because of some less than ideally placed bloating. A few weeks ago my face looked like a Proactive add, but it's clearing up a bit now (thank God). I'm also still having absurd dreams and I'm told I will have them for the remainder of the pregnancy. Lovely.

As for Bebe, it is currently the size of a raspberry! Which is much better than a kidney bean as was suggested on another site. I much prefer fruit. Anyways, Bebe has webbed fingers and toes right now! That's super exciting because before they were just arm buds. The tail is almost completely gone, and there are breathing tubes extending from the throat to the branches of the lungs. The little brain now has nerve cells that are branching out to connect to other nerve cells. Bebe is moving and bouncing around but I can't feel a thing. I really can't wait until I can.

Today I also got to go to my new OB for the first time and he was amazing! It took forever filling out paperwork, but the Dr was really nice and we talked a bit about different options and things. It was pretty easy going. He tried to hear the heartbeat with the doppler but it was too little so he requisitioned an ultra sound machine for me even though I wasn't really scheduled for one. It was amazing! It was an external one so we didn't get the best view, but once it popped onto the screen I was just entranced. It was seriously amazing and I could just sit and stare at that little screen with that little form of my baby all day. It's a good thing those things are so expensive otherwise I'd just find a way to get one and sit and stare at it ll day and nothing would ever get done. Anyways, Bebe's heart was beating at 174bpm which is a big jump from last week! And has convinced almost everyone that Bebe is a girl.

Anyways tomorrow I am going down to visit the parentals for a whole week while Jason's on a work trip! We have a baby shower for the amazing Lindsay (You Are The Roots) on Sunday too which is even more reason to be excited! And my mom has promised me shopping so hopefully I have an entry and some pics later in the week :D

A heartbeat, a flicker line

Blogisphere, meet Bebe the Blueberry. Bebe the Blueberry, meet the blogisphere. Today was the most amazing day of my pregnancy thus far: I got to see my baby on the ultrasound screen. I can't even tell up from down or what is what, all I know is that tiny grayish smear inside the black sphere is my baby and it's the most beautiful grey smear I have ever seen ever. Isn't it? Shush, it is. You know it. Bebe is measuring exactly seven weeks, which means I was 4 days off in my estimations and my new due date is now January (Friday) 13, 2012. My sister, who was born on a Friday the 13th (and a full moon) is ecstatic. Interestingly enough, my January 9 estimated due date was on the Full Moon. Funny, huh? So I guess I wasn't THAT late when I was posting on Sundays. Ha! And Friday's are definitely easier for me to post on anyways. We can work with this. I still think his estimation is off. I've been tracking this long enough, I know around when things should have occurred.

But we didn't just get to see Bebe. We got to hear Bebe. It was really small so there was only one small area where our doctor could pick up the heartbeat but it was a nice and steady 150bpm (120-180 is considered normal). I started crying as soon as I heard it too. I know I cry with everything these days, but I have never been more relieved and happy in my life then that second I heard that woosh-woosh-woosh. While everyone around me is convinced I'm having a boy, my mom informed me that she is now positive I am having a girl. Apparently high heart rates are characteristic of girls and anything above 145bpm is considered high. I don't care if baby is a boy or a girl and I am perfectly content to wait until my mid pregnancy ultrasound to find out, but guessing is fun. I have been referring to Bebe as "she" whenever I don't think about being neutral, but I think that is less instinct and more coming from a family of girls and having female cats so I'm used to saying she. Boy or girl - I'll be thrilled! And I'll do whatever old wives tale there is just for fun because I love that shit and then exclaim excitedly whether their arbitrary guesses were right. It's a 50/50 chance either way.

Now, it wouldn't be my pregnancy if something wasn't off and dramatic. We found out why I was bleeding two weeks ago. Or the result of it, really. A subchorionic hematoma. It sounds super scary, I know. My doctor didn't even tell me the official name, he just said "blood clot." It's a pool of blood that surrounds the embryo from when it slightly detached from my uterine lining. Slightly is the big key word here because Bebe is definitely still attached and growing and going strong. My mom called one of the doctor's she works for who is pretty high up and asked him questions about it and apparently it's a very very good sign that Bebe's heartbeat is as strong as it is because apparently when the clot is really threatening and cutting off embryonic growth the heartbeat is the first thing to suffer. My doctor told me to take it super super easy for the next 3-4 weeks and it should dissipate by then. It's only about an inch so it isn't very large either. He also tripled my progesterone so I take it 1x in the morning and 2x at night. I have been released to go to my normal ob/gyn though! Her office was closed today so I'll try Tuesday. I should have frequent ultrasounds to ensure the heartbeat hasn't dropped and the embryo is growing over the next few weeks as well.

I'm doing good with riding my euphoric high right now and not be scared. I know these next three weeks are the most telling for me and I'm going to be really really really good. Because I heard my baby's heartbeat with my ears today, and I'm determined to feel it with my hand in January.