12 wks (4ds)

Hey look, it’s the pregnancy blog reboot! So baby #2 is on the way and we’re ecstatic! I’m going to try and summarize the last three months for you all so we can be caught up on this baby.

Around Lila’s first birthday Jason and I started discussing when we wanted to have another. My doctors had all been consistent in telling me that I shouldn’t wait more than two years between kids or I could run into the same difficulties conceiving that I had before. Our problem was that I had just returned to college to finish the last 3 classes I needed for my degree and wasn’t going to be done until mid-December. In the end we decided that we would begin trying in June. This would give us 6 months of trying naturally so that after I finished school we would be able to jump into fertility treatments immediately if we had problems. Neither of us were really getting our hopes up that this would be easy, especially after striking out twice.

I started my final class (Spanish II) on August 19, the day before my period was due. My first assignment was to have a speech memorized, recorded, and posted for Wednesday. I had a total freak out over it. On Wednesday night I was borderline panic attacking over not being able to memorize it and messing up constantly and poor Jason tried everything he could to get me to calm down. We eventually got the speech recorded and called it a night. The next day I remember telling him that I felt so drained and worn out from it that it was like I’d just been zapped of energy. It was Friday when I realized that I should have gotten my period on Tuesday. Neither of us really thought anything of it. I was stressed out with this class. I was exhausted, broken out worse than a Proactive commercial, and late. So what if those were my exact symptoms with Lila, there was no way the third time was the charm and we weren’t getting our hopes up that it was. I told him that if I didn’t have it by the time I woke up I would take a test.

The next morning – instead of a period – I got two pink lines on my HPT. Jason pumped his fist in the air, we called our parents, and we celebrated at Magic Kingdom.

The next day I had a little bit of bleeding. Nothing heavy and I stayed weirdly, remarkably calm. Kept off my feet, drank water, and thought positively. I wasn’t even 4 weeks yet, so literally there was nothing else to do. There was no more blood after that and I chalked it up to some residual implantation bleeding.

On Monday I went to my Doctor’s office for a blood draw. With Lila my Progesterone wasn’t ideal so I needed to know if I had to take progesterone supplements again. On Wednesday I fount out that my hcG was 848 and my progesterone was 19.6! Perfect! I had one more blood draw and on Friday I got the call that my hcG was multiplying beautifully and was 2,898. I was officially pregnant and could breathe!

For a little while, at least. A couple weeks later on a Thursday night I started having some bad cramping in my back with a few shooting pains. The next morning they really hadn’t gone away. I called my doctor’s office just to see what I should do since the weekend was approaching and they had me come in to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic. Right away we saw the baby – implanted up high with a steady fhr of 150. Cramping was thanks to all that fun iron in my new prenatals. Ugh. Prenatals.

After that everything progressed normally and undramatically. I was exhausted, plagued by headaches which made giving up coffee cold turkey impossible, and spent more than a few day feeling like I was going to hurl without ever actually hurling. My cravings were all over the place. I went from craving fried chicken, cheesy bread and steak to feeling ill every time I took a bite of meat. I went from not wanting anything sweet to almost crying in happiness when Jason surprised me with éclairs.

Perhaps the biggest sign that I was pregnant came in the form of my inability to handle full days at a theme park once I hit 8wks. Several times by 3:00 my body was just done with the day. Everything hurt, everything sucked, and all I wanted was to curl up and sleep for a year. Another Food & Wine festival just out of my reach! At least there were Belgium waffles to drown my sorrows in.

Despite all of this, however, it’s been really hard for me to believe I’m pregnant. I know I am, since I’m already showing and I’ve felt miserable for three months, but it’s not really clicking in my brain that I’m going to be a mom to two. It’s just been difficult to comprehend this time around. It’s a calmer, less dramatic pregnancy and conception, and sometimes I really have to stop and force myself to believe that there’s a small human inside of me. Lila loves to pull up my shirt and point at my belly and yell “Baby!” She even pointed at the ultrasound screen the other day and declared “Baby!” as well. So I think she’s understanding and comprehending as much as her little mind can. I hope. If she can do it I should start believing it soon too.

Friday was our 12wk appointment and the first time we were going to hear the baby with the Doppler. So I thought. I endured the most nerve wracking few minutes as our doctor went over my belly with the Doppler and only found my heartbeat. She was great at telling me to calm down, and managed to hear it very, very briefly (for about a second). But since she’s a total sweetheart and could see I was about to cry told me she would take me to ultrasound so I could see and hear it for myself. We got in there, and baby popped right up on screen. After a bit of maneuvering, the little flicker of its heart appeared and eventually we got the sound. 152 bpm. Apparently I have an anterior placenta. Meaning that instead of implanting towards the back (closer to the spine) and growing in front of the placenta, the baby implanted near the front and is growing behind it. Which the doctor assured me was fine, it just will make it harder to feel movement and find the hb. And, as the ultrasound picture shows, baby wasn’t being cooperative anyways. Its head is turned away from of us and its laying curled up on its stomach. You can see the bottom of its feet and the curve of its spine. This one is not fond of showing off the way Lila was!! It just wanted to sleep and be left alone.

Once we heard the heartbeat and knew for sure the baby was doing well, Jason and I finally decided to go public with our exciting baby news. I had wanted to do a fun birth announcement that was a little creative and different and involved Lila. I thought of the “bun in the oven” idea after seeing the Halloween costume of a pregnant woman as an oven. Lila was a perfect model! She even resisted trying to eat the cinnamon bun until after I finished taking pictures, so I rewarded her with half of it. Writing the date on that bun was way way harder than it ever should have been, but I’m super proud of the whole outcome!

In conclusion: Baby is .49 oz, 2 . 1 inches and is the size of a plum. I’m +2 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight (which!! Was the same as my LAST pre-pregnancy weight! Just in time!) and I’m craving cookies and spinach fruit smoothies. I have no idea if it’s a boy or a girl, but any time someone says they hope it’s a boy or ask if I hope it’s a boy I vindictively want it to be a girl (which probably means it will be a boy). Really though, we’d be ecstatic either way. A boy would be great, but having a sister close in age would be fun for Lila. So either or! We find that out November 30th. I’m 12wks 4days and I’m due on May 6, 2014. Welcome back to my blog!

Welcome to the World Lila Quinn, Part 1: The Birth (Or, The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men)

Wow, did I get my 40 week post up just in time or what? First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for your amazingly kind words of encouragement and congratulations over the past week. They have meant a lot and I am so incredibly blessed to have friends and family like you all in my and Jason's (and now Lila's) lives. It has been both a rough and wonderful few days, so having you all rooting me on has been a big help in making it through. I know you're all dying to hear what's been going on though, so I'll get to it. I'll be splitting this up into two parts: The Birth Story, and The Recovery Story because both are pretty vital and tie in together, as you can imagine. Both also happen to be incredibly long. We'll see how long this takes me to write though, (Lila is currently sleeping in her swing, but she's going to need fed in a few minutes) since as most of you know and the rest of you can imagine, motherhood is rather time consuming.

Monday night after posting my blog I'd had a talk with both Jason and my mom about the Dr's appt I was having on Tuesday. I still wasn't feeling Lila (omg I can call her Lila instead of Bebe now) move how I was accustomed to feeling her (and yes, I know as babies get bigger they move less, but even as late as 4am on Sunday morning I was seeing her limbs kick me and feeling her thrashing, so suddenly only feeling small shifts was a big deal to me) and even though her BPP had come back 8 out of 8 I was still concerned. We'd also noticed this thing in her ultrasound (well, my mom noticed it) and pointed it out as a piece of a three ventricle umbilical cord that was right over her chin. Jason and I decided we'd talk to the Dr about inducing me on Tuesday. I knew that my baby was healthy and alive now, but who knew by Friday if she still would be. And also she hasn't engaged and what little engaging she'd done she'd reversed and was backing up. There was obviously something preventing her and that's what was concerning me.

It also concerned our Dr. He did my cervical check and informed me that even if I wanted him to strip my membranes he wouldn't be able to because she was so high again. And then on the fetal monitors we found some variables in her heart rate whenever I would have a contraction. We all agreed that inducing today would be in her best interest because something was going on that was preventing her from initiating birth herself. Also, my Dr was on call that night (when I went to see him that morning he was at the hospital doing Administrative things, he used to be the Head of Surgery at the hospital and so is there a lot) and I felt far more comfortable with him delivering Lila than anyone else. So I was admitted and spent a few hours down in triage while they found a room for me and put me into the system (they don't normally induce at the hospital until 41 weeks unless there's a medical reason, but considering I was 40 and 5 and showing variables in the heart rate they agreed to admit me). I was sent up to Labor & Delivery and around 1:30pm they started my Pitocin. It definitely wasn't bad at first, and I was able to rest for a bit before my mom arrived. I was just using the bathroom and about to use the birthing ball when the nurse told me to return to bed because Lila was having Deceleration whenever I contracted (her heart rate would dip down) and they were a little concerned. We noticed it happened whenever I stood up or laid on my left side, so I was forced to sit up right in an Indian Style position to keep her steady. That's when my Dr (who still wasn't on call yet, but stopping in every hour to check on me) came in and decided to break my water to get things moving since we really couldn't have her staying in me too much longer. After they broke my water they were monitoring my contractions and asking me how they were and half the time I honestly had no idea I was even having one. Compared to the contractions I had on Saturday night/Sunday morning they were nothing and the look on my Dr's face was definitely one of bewilderment.

But sure enough, they began to get worse. Especially considering the fact that I was forced to sit in one position and couldn't utilize the tub or the ball or even walking to help with the pain, I threw out my desires for an epidural-less birth and resigned myself to not being able to move my legs (my big big fear). Especially since the contractions were one on top of the other with no break in between at this point. They checked me and told me I was 6 cm and I told them just to get me the epidural. Of course the girl who does it gets me in a blood vessel first and not only am I having contractions that I can barely breathe through but I was having this back cramping pain that almost had me crying. Finally she got it in and the contractions began to subside in intensity but, I swear to God, that was the most frustratingly painful moment I have ever been in. My reward for surviving was that I could still move my legs without too much trouble! Yay! It made me feel so much better and I sent most of my time before the push wiggling my toes and shifting my legs just because I could. Of course, it wore off only on my right side a little before delivery and, of course, that happened when laying on my right side (which helped because it forced the medicine into my right side) was causing Lila to have even more Decelerations and I had to lay on my left. Which meant my left side was completely numb and my right side was completely in pain.

At 10pm I was told I was 10cm and we'd begin pushing in a few. Finally! I was going to get my baby! My Dr came in before I started pushing, which surprised the nurse since normally they only come in at the end. But by this point Lila was having pretty bad Decelerations (at one point my heart beat was faster than hers for a second) and even a few Accelerations (she went up to 170s at one time) and he was clearly concerned about it. At 10:30 I started pushing and was very quickly told that I could only push every other contraction to keep Lila from getting too stressed (the combination of my pushing and the contractions wasn't a favorable one). It was then I understood that if I didn't get her out FAST this was going to end in an Emergency C-Section. Whenever I could push my Dr was very emphatically ordering me to push harder and harder and then looking at the monitor intently. It was 4 pushes in when he yelled stop because the head was right there. He pushed it back in slightly and had all the nurses come in and get ready and set me up with a mirror. Another contraction and she was almost out and everyone was ready. Push number 6 and out came her head with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice. The Dr tried to loop it off but it was too tight, so he grabbed the clamps and scissors, cut it, and unraveled it before pulling her out the rest of the way and that tiny, quiet second between the removal of the cord and her cry was the most terrifying moment of my life. She was born at 10:56pm.

But then she screamed. And she screamed and she screamed and she screamed. And she peed and voided her bowels all over the Dr. I could hear Jason crying next to me and I was crying and just taking huge gasping breaths because she was HERE and she was BREATHING and I didn't have to worry about Cord Compression (the two most terrifying words in my life right now) anymore. They placed her on a blanket on my chest, rubbed her down and removed the blanket so we could be skin to skin and she was screaming and I was crying and all I know I was talking to her, telling her "it's okay baby, you're safe. you're with me." And that she was only on my chest for a few seconds before she was lifting her head up and flopping it back down. They left her on my chest while the Dr stitched me up, and I tried to breast feed her but she wanted nothing to do with it. Eventually they took her to do all their tests and Jason went with her and the Dr was still stitching me up. I was informed I had a 2nd Degree laceration and several superficial tears. Meaning that I tore down into my muscle and I had to be stitched up layer by layer. They can usually occur from pushing too fast and too hard, like I was doing. If I'd had the luxury of not having to worry about cord compression I would definitely not have pushed so hard and would have given my skin time to stretch. But I didn't. Getting my baby out as quickly and safely trumped whatever damage I incurred along the way. The next morning when our Dr checked on us we asked if he ever considered a c-section and he admitted that at the end it was a definite possibility if pushing had gone on for a long time, but we were fortunate that I didn't make that an issue. He also alluded to the fact that he'd thought when she came out with that tight cord that we'd medical intervention to resuscitate her, but she made that a nonissue too.

Lila got an 8/9 Apgar score, which was amazing considering how tight that cord had been. But we knew at 5 weeks that she was a strong girl with survival instincts, because she held on then and she proved how she'd managed that when she came out strong. They weighed her at 7 lbs 2 oz and measured her at 19.75" and I said "Oh my God, she's so tiny" and the nurse was like "Well, no, not really" before I went on to explain that I thought she'd be 8 lbs and the Dr laughed and admitted that he'd thought the same thing. Eventually they brought us upstairs to Recovery and Jason went with Lila to the nursery while they bathed her. Jason told me later that when they put her on her stomach she lifted her head again and tried to army crawl and the nurse thought it was amazing and hilarious. Not even three hours old and already trying to move on her own. I told you all she was going to be a squirmer! Our family who'd come to the hospital (my mom and Kirsty and Jason's parents) finally got to come up to see her around 3am, but they left shortly after and Jason and I embarked on the most sleepless night we'd ever had. Because who can sleep when you have a baby you have to keep assuring yourself is breathing?

I'll talk more about the fun of a 2nd degree laceration and our foray into the world of breastfeeding that both Lila and I are very interested in accomplishing but are very, very awkwardly and painfully figuring out. I started off this process with a birth plan, like most first-time moms do. The first 5 things on my plan? I did not want to be induced; I wanted to walk and use the bath and birthing ball; I did not want to have to have an epidural; I wanted delayed cord clamping and to wait until it ceased pulsing to clamp and cut it in order for Lila to receive the cord blood; I wanted Jason to cut the cord. All of those things went completely out the window. And you know what? I didn't miss them at all. I discovered that I didn't need an ideal birth experience, I didn't need a plan. I just needed my baby, and I needed her healthy. I don't for one second feel disappointed or sad about my birth experience, that it wasn't what I'd wanted and envisioned. Because the lead up to the birth isn't the important part, I've realized. The important part is right here in my arms sleeping. Tuesday was by far the most terrifying, heart wrenching, painful, beautiful, miraculous, and sweetest moment of my life. I'm a mommy now, and I'll never be the same.

40 wks (4ds)

I really didn't want to write this post. Really. If that wasn't evident by my avoiding it for 4 days. There's something seriously depressing about going over your due date (and I'm sure most women who have can attest), so on Thursday all I wanted to do was curl up and hormonally cry over the fact that everyone in the world was having a baby except for me. Jason ended up coming home from work early because every time he talked to me I was just sobbing because, oh my god, I am so tired and uncomfortable. But then I talked to my sister and mom and they decided to come up Friday to spend the weekend with me and I definitely cheered up after that. Well, I cheered up till Friday when I had my Dr's appointment, at least. I knew going to my 40wk appointment would just make me upset, because I was warned at my 39wk appt that at the 40wk one we would set an induction date. Joy of joys. And when I had my cervical check and was told that I am still 2cm. and 70% effaced after 4 weeks? Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't break down into hormone fueled tears of frustration. We set an induction date for Friday, January 20 which would put me at 41wks 1d. He's definitely trying to give me time to go on my own, but without letting me go for too long. He even double checked all my ultrasound measurements from 7, 8 and 11 wks to make sure he wasn't shorting me out of time. THen on Tuesday while he's working at Winnie Palmer he wants me to go to Triage so he can check me out and strip my membranes and hopefully send me into labor for Tuesday (since he said he'd really like to deliver my baby himself if we can urge my body to comply). It's good, I know. But there's something about being pregnant for what feels like 2 years at this point (no, seriously, over a year of trying? over 9 months of being pregnant? It's felt like the 2+ year long pregnancy) that makes you go "Just get her out of me now and to hell with whatever pregnancy plan I had."

This all came to a head on Sunday, for me. Friday mom and Kirsty got here and we went to Target (where I got an Exercise Ball and OH DEAR GOD, if you are pregnant and do not have one GET ONE. This is the most amazing thing that has happened to my pregnancy and how did I do over 40 wks without it?!) and out to eat for lunch and then to the movies (Beauty and the Beast in 3D!) and out to dinner again! Then on Saturday we walked and walked and walked that afternoon before going to Babies 'R' Us and the grocery store. Jason made an awesome dinner while I bounced around on my new exercise ball and then all the girls went out for a long walk since I started having those annoying stronger-than-BH-contractions-but-it's-not-labor-contractions and we wanted to encourage them. At home Jason made us pineapple smoothies and I sat on my ball more and the contractions definitely got worse to the point where I had to breathe through them (but I refused to time them because I was still convinced they weren't real). After a shower and letting my mom rub my back I went to bed around 10 because I was just exhausted. The contractions woke me up off and one while I was sleeping and finally around 12:50am I started timing them. At 3am Jason and I were both up and they were between 3-5 min apart, lasting for around a minute each, and they definitely hurt because I stopped talking and would just have to put my head down and breathe. but it didn't feel like it hurt ENOUGH for them to count (even though they persisted whether I was sitting, standing, walking, laying down, eating, drinking or showering). So we woke up my mom who hung out with us for a couple hours to monitor me and - sure enough - they began to start wavering in intensity, length and time between. So i went to bed again at 5am and they totally stopped. I woke up on Sunday and was SO FRUSTRATED that I could do nothing but cry. Again. Guys I swear this past week has been nothing but me crying over "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? D:" But Jason made pancakes and my mom and sister were encouraging.

However, at around noon I realized that I hadn't felt my normally very active baby move in about 8 hours. Not after pancakes, not after a small cup of coffee, nothing. So my mom encouraged Jason and I to go over to Winnie just to check her out and maybe I'd get some answers as to why I'm having Labor Fools Day jokes played on me. The triage at Winnie was super nice and helpful and we found Bebe's heartrate to be strong and ranging from high 130s to low 150s. And then the nurse checked my cervix and found... nothing. 2 cm. and 70% effaced. Baby had actually moved UP from a -1 station to a -3 station. But when she brought in the portable ultrasound machine to ensure baby's head was down she saw that it wasn't in the right position, meaning it wasn't over my cervix so no wonder my cervix is doing shit. After that the Dr on call ordered a BPP (Bio-Physical Profile) to assess the baby's condition in the womb and make sure she has enough fluid and isn't in distress and try to make her move. THe tech got 3 movements after prodding her and she passed with an 8 out of 8 - meaning she's doing just peachy, thankfully. Her whole body is curled along my right side with her feet on my left which is why she's still jabbing me with her feet (when she isn't terrifying me by not moving). Because there was no cause for concern they sent us home. Which, at that point, was kind of bittersweet. Yes, it's much better to not have to be induced, but after that 12-5am stint the night before I was so discouraged and so tired and so frustrated that I half wanted to sterilize a crochet needle and break my water myself just to finally get this over with. Based on the info we got from the hospital, my mom and Kirsty left that night and will return when I eventually have the baby. If it doesn't happen Tuesday after my appt, it will be Friday. And it's nice just to have an End Date, because it reminds me that I won't be pregnant forever, even though I feel like it. (NOTE: the u/s pic is her looking at you. It's so weird and alien, I know).

Today I am feeling better. Mostly because I have discovered the term "Prodromal Labor" and feel like I'm not crazy, finally. Because what I've been experiencing intermittently since 37wks isn't Braxton Hicks. I have had BH contractions I could feel since my 2nd trimester, and I have them constantly in between these Prodromal Labor episodes. These contractions are painful, they are regular, and they do not stop when I change activity or eat and drink. These contractions last for hours and then... stop. And these contractions make me feel like I am slowly losing my mind. THIS blog states that: "I've got a feeling that more often than not, its caused by the baby's position. It's like the body needs to use those contractions to align the baby's head just right. A positioning tool!" which, after hearing that her head isn't in the ideal spot, has made a lot of sense for me and doesn't make me want to call the entire experience "fake" because even though it's done shit to help my cervix, maybe it's actually helping something. Then I found THIS blog with lots of stories from moms who have dealt with Prodromal Labor like mine, where it goes on for WEEKS and HOURS at a time. It's done a lot to help me feel not so completely discouraged. Because Prodromal Labor is apparently notorious for not just being physically exhausting (you're up for hours timing contractions that just STOP) but for being mentally and emotionally draining as well. It's disheartening and discouraging and makes you feel like something is wrong with you because why won't your body push this into Active Labor? So today is a much better day. There's a name for what I'm going through, so I'm not alone. And Tuesday may give me some more answers. And, if not? By Friday night, come hell or high water, I WILL be holding my baby.

And, for the record, yes. I have tried what got me into this, walking, pineapple, spicy food, raspberry leaf tea, etc, etc, ad nauseum. I am not doing castor oil because the risk of an in uterine bowel movement terrifies me (and everyone I know who has done it has still not had success), and I have not done Evening Primrose Oil because it just weirds me out, I've used enough vaginal suppositories this pregnancy. I have lost my Mucus Plug and had the "bloody show" but that was a week ago so I am sure it has grown back by now. I've also had other, much grosser, symptoms I won't elaborate on but apparently it's a sign of labor. Though that is usually accompanied by a Prodromal Labor session so now it does not excite me anymore. Trust me. I have looked up every way to induce labor short of accupuncture. My mom and sister were even doing the pressure point massages this weekend, lol! Basically, whatever kept her hanging on at 5wks is keeping her hanging on now, so I can't blame her too much.

And how is our little procrastinator doing this week? According to the BPP, very well! I forgot to ask the tech how big she looked, but according to my Dr's rough estimate he guesses between 7.5 to 8 lbs. God only knows how big she'll be on Friday. My poor lady parts. Anyways, this is about the size of a small pumpkin. Yes. A pumpkin. BabyCenter has run out of information to give me about development since she's pretty much all developed in there. Her skull plates aren't fused together so they can overlap and fit through the birth canal. I'll be able to call her "my little conehead" or something. I'm sure she'll love the nickname.

22 wks (4ds)

So this week was characterized by people I don't know acknowledging my pregnancy! An older man in Publix asked me if the baby was going to eat all the food I was getting and I laughed and said she was the reason I was there. And the pâtisserie girl in Morocco at Epcot asked how far along I was and the gender and then started giving me a dozen or so girl names I should use. Each awkward in their own ways, but the awkwardness did not eclipse the "!!! I look pregnant and not like I am wearing clothes way too small for me!" feeling that I am (still) self consciously experiencing at times. Also notable this week is that I am coming to the very sad realization that I cannot, in fact, spend all day walking a theme park anymore. Before pregnancy I would have no problem spending 16 or so hours opening and closing a park and being on my feet the whole time. Yesterday I did about 7 hours - with frequent stops to sit and rest - as I walked the whole park and back and forth across the World Showcase twice and I had to sit down at the Boardwalk resort and let Jason pick me up with the car because he took one look at me shuffling and knew taking another step was asking a lot of me. Today my shins are in, oh my god, so much pain. But I had an amazing time exhausting myself with my cousin, Becca, and ate a lot so in the end it was totally worth the pain. And I am not exaggerating by saying I ate a lot either. I did.

Bebe was pretty quiet the entire day at the park but almost as soon as I got home and sat back in the recliner with my poor abused feet up and a pillow behind my back then she started moving like crazy. It wasn't, however, until around midnight when I was watching tv that I looked down at my stomach and saw that just to the right of my belly button a part of my stomach move up and back down. Weirdest. Thing. Ever. It's one thing feeling her move but seeing my stomach move was just so bizarre. Amazing, yes, but in a sort of creepy "holy hell, I have something living in my stomach and it's MOVING" sort of way. This morning I was laying in bed and feeling her move so I decided to watch again and sure enough there was a noticeable visible movement to my stomach a few times. I think this one is going to take just a little bit to get used to because it is so so weird!

In less exciting developments, I am probably going to have to sadly say goodbye to my daily OJ because I cannot TELL YOU how terribly I've had Acid Reflux this week. I should note that I have never in my life experienced acid reflux before. But the other night I couldn't even sleep because I would lay down and feel like my throat was filling with stomach acid. I finally piled up three pillows and managed to sleep somewhat half sitting up. I know the old wives tale about heartburn being relative to the hair baby has, so I'll put up with it if it means she's going to come out with a headful of whatever-color-hair. My mom informed me that of her three pregnancies she had the worst heartburn with me and I had the most hair, and she had the least with my youngest sister who was born bald. So who knows! According to the all mighty internet, it is being caused because the increased production of estrogen and progesterone (which, yay for my body finally producing it. thanks placenta!) intended to relax my uterine muscles and help them to stretch has also relaxed my lower esophageal sphincter (LES) and is allowing stomach acid to flow into my esophagus. Acid can also be pushed up into my esophagus if the baby is crowding my abdomen, and since she is sitting really high this is entirely possible as well. I just don't like it. It was suggested to limit my intake of dairy, chocolate and fruit and I went "haha, no" since those are pretty much the staples of my diet these days.

That growing baby, Bebe, is now about 1 lb. and 11" - making her the length of a spaghetti squash. Eyelids, eyebrows and lips are all distinct now and she's growing tiny toothbuds beneath her gums. Her eyes are formed beneath those now formed eyelids but the iris' are lacking pigment. Meanwhile I am trying to guess what color eyes she is going to have, but they don't even have a color yet! She's also developed a fine covering of hair called lanugo which she should have until around 33-36 weeks. She also has deep wrinkles in her skin right now as it waits for her to gain some fat to fill the skin in and make her look like a real newborn. Inside, she is working had on developing her pancreas. She is also destined to be a ballet dancer or an acrobat or a martial artist because, I swear, she is doing something in there. But it's fine. Her mom has no grace or athletic ability so if she does it can't possibly be a bad thing.

A heartbeat, a flicker line

Blogisphere, meet Bebe the Blueberry. Bebe the Blueberry, meet the blogisphere. Today was the most amazing day of my pregnancy thus far: I got to see my baby on the ultrasound screen. I can't even tell up from down or what is what, all I know is that tiny grayish smear inside the black sphere is my baby and it's the most beautiful grey smear I have ever seen ever. Isn't it? Shush, it is. You know it. Bebe is measuring exactly seven weeks, which means I was 4 days off in my estimations and my new due date is now January (Friday) 13, 2012. My sister, who was born on a Friday the 13th (and a full moon) is ecstatic. Interestingly enough, my January 9 estimated due date was on the Full Moon. Funny, huh? So I guess I wasn't THAT late when I was posting on Sundays. Ha! And Friday's are definitely easier for me to post on anyways. We can work with this. I still think his estimation is off. I've been tracking this long enough, I know around when things should have occurred.

But we didn't just get to see Bebe. We got to hear Bebe. It was really small so there was only one small area where our doctor could pick up the heartbeat but it was a nice and steady 150bpm (120-180 is considered normal). I started crying as soon as I heard it too. I know I cry with everything these days, but I have never been more relieved and happy in my life then that second I heard that woosh-woosh-woosh. While everyone around me is convinced I'm having a boy, my mom informed me that she is now positive I am having a girl. Apparently high heart rates are characteristic of girls and anything above 145bpm is considered high. I don't care if baby is a boy or a girl and I am perfectly content to wait until my mid pregnancy ultrasound to find out, but guessing is fun. I have been referring to Bebe as "she" whenever I don't think about being neutral, but I think that is less instinct and more coming from a family of girls and having female cats so I'm used to saying she. Boy or girl - I'll be thrilled! And I'll do whatever old wives tale there is just for fun because I love that shit and then exclaim excitedly whether their arbitrary guesses were right. It's a 50/50 chance either way.

Now, it wouldn't be my pregnancy if something wasn't off and dramatic. We found out why I was bleeding two weeks ago. Or the result of it, really. A subchorionic hematoma. It sounds super scary, I know. My doctor didn't even tell me the official name, he just said "blood clot." It's a pool of blood that surrounds the embryo from when it slightly detached from my uterine lining. Slightly is the big key word here because Bebe is definitely still attached and growing and going strong. My mom called one of the doctor's she works for who is pretty high up and asked him questions about it and apparently it's a very very good sign that Bebe's heartbeat is as strong as it is because apparently when the clot is really threatening and cutting off embryonic growth the heartbeat is the first thing to suffer. My doctor told me to take it super super easy for the next 3-4 weeks and it should dissipate by then. It's only about an inch so it isn't very large either. He also tripled my progesterone so I take it 1x in the morning and 2x at night. I have been released to go to my normal ob/gyn though! Her office was closed today so I'll try Tuesday. I should have frequent ultrasounds to ensure the heartbeat hasn't dropped and the embryo is growing over the next few weeks as well.

I'm doing good with riding my euphoric high right now and not be scared. I know these next three weeks are the most telling for me and I'm going to be really really really good. Because I heard my baby's heartbeat with my ears today, and I'm determined to feel it with my hand in January.

6 wks (6ds)

Late again! I could lie and say I was raptured but, well, no one was. I'm really no good with this on time posting things. Oh well. Leopards and spots and all those things. This week was my sixth week of pregnancy and aside from that horrible frustration earlier in the week Bebe didn't give me much trouble. No bleeding all week! Yay! This has cheered me greatly, as I have been looking for any sign of spotting ever since saturday. I've been (mostly) good with bed rest. And by mostly good I mean not that good. I've done dishes a few times and I've folded laundry and today Jason and I went to church and I walked around in heels. Yeah I suck at this staying still thing but I've been bouyed by the fact that Bebe seems to be a sticky little leech. A wonderful, amazing, beautiful tadpole of a leech. But now I'm good and my ass is firmly on the couch until we drive over to see Jason's family an hour away. Meanwhile Jason is winning Best Husband Ever award with flying colors because he's been making me dinner and he cleaned the kitchen yesterday and right now he's making the sweet potato fries we're bringing for dinner! Early this week he even made me a pie! Nothing says love quite like baked goods.

While Bebe has been healthy this week, I have not. I've had that horrid stuffed nose I've heard some pregnant women get and it's made sleeping a royal bitch. But what made it even worse? Friday morning I noticed my ear was a bit itchy and by Friday afternoon it was full blown pain. Quickest ear infection ever. Jason took me to the Walgreens clinic when he got home from work since they're open till 7pm and the NP declared not only did I have otitis externa (aka, swimmer's ear) but I ALSO had otitis media which is the middle

ear. Ugh. So much fun. Worse? It's my left ear. Why is this worse? Because it's hard to sleep on my right side right now so I've been sleeping on my left. Now I have to do some weird thing where I create a dugout for my ear with my hand and it's awkward to sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all. Anyways, she put me on amoxicillin, which is a Class B drug so it's safe for Bebe, and prescribed ear drops that have some sort of steroid in it so she had to call my Dr and get permission to give it to me but it's fine since it's just drops and not oral medication. Such a head ache. I'm also taking tylenol pretty regularly because OH MY GOD does it hurt. It's the only way I manage to get any sleep at all. I also have to walk around with a piece of tissue in my ear because air makes it hurt even worse. So now my daily medicine regime is Ear drops 3 times a day, Tylenol every 6 hours, Amoxicillin 3 times a day, Progesterone 1 time a day before bed, and my Prenatal 1 time a day with dinner. I feel like I should have a pill box.

This week Bebe is the size of a sweet pea! Not to be mistaken for the size of Sweet Pea, our cat (see image). Though at one point this week I did put the cat under my shirt and go "Hey honey! The baby is the actual size of Sweet Pea!" This confusion has certainly made for some fun jokes this week. Things like: "Sweet Pea loves you! Both the feline and the fetus!" You can imagine. Another site compared Bebe to a lentil but that just wasn't anywhere as fun as a sweet pea. Our little sweet pea (fetus) is about 1/4 of an inch long! It has little buds for it's adorable arms and legs, and it's little heart is beating 100 to 160 beats per minute! I get to hear that heart in LESS THAN A WEEK! I'm so excited. Bebe's intestines are developing, blood is coursing through it's tadpole like body and the tissue that will be it's lungs has appeared! As for mommy, I am still craving ice cream, though I haven't made Jason take me out for any. I had a craving for doughnuts for three days before I finally had it satisfied before church this morning. I have noticed an aversion to fish. Jason made salmon dip and the smell of it makes me want to gag (want to, but not actually). Still no nausea! Even with the fish! I do have back aches and sleeping is always interrupted by my stuffy nose or absurdly colorful and vivid dreams. I think last night's had something to do with me going to prom in a maternity t-shirt. I also cry. At everything. Almost every single tv show had me crying. Vampire Diaries, Glee (which I didn't even LIKE), Michael leaving the Office, How I Met Your Mother (I'm also convinced Marshall and Lily are based off Jason and I this season. Minus the father dying. Because they started trying for kids around when we did! And right when we got pregnant Jason went 'Marshall and Lily have to get pregnant now, since we parallel them' and, sure enough, what happened in the Season Finale? I rest my case), it's absurd. I just cry. A lot. Oh hormones.

5 days till we see Bebe for the first time! It still hasn't really sunk in to either of us yet that we're having a baby, but I'm sure the first sonogram will really drive it home!

Great news and alright news

At 7am I had my second Doctor's appointment. This one was another blood test to check my hCg levels and progesterone. Then Jason went to work and I went to bed! But I kept waking up every hour checking my phone obsessively. It wasn't until almost 2pm that the nurse at my doctor's office called me. My hCg levels are awesome!! In the 1500s which means I'm definitely around the 5 week mark now. So yay!

However, my progesterone levels - while not drastic - are a little low. In the first trimester it should be 9-47ng/ml with an average of 12-20ng/ml between weeks 5 and 6 (see this for more information) and mine was 13. So it's on the low end of average. My doctor isn't overly concerned, but the nurse sort of mentioned progesterone supplements. WTF am I supposed to say to that? "No thanks. I'll take my chances. It's a fucking miracle I'm pregnant to begin with, let's just keep on rolling with it!" Ha. No. I asked her opinion and she said flat out "If you were my sister I would tell you to take them." So I told her to order them. Tomorrow I will have an order of progesterone suppositories delivered to the house for me to take. And here I thought being pregnant meant I could stop shoving things up my twat. Oh how naive! But they should give my progesterone levels a boost and if it helps prevent a miscarriage I'll shut up and stick anything I have to up there.

Ultrasound! Scheduled for May 27th at 11:30am 8:15am! If I'm about 5 weeks right now that will make me almost 8 weeks for the ultrasound. A lot further a long then I thought I would be but that just means a much better chance of hearing a heartbeat! FIngers crossed. I know mine are.

Oh, symptoms. I'm still chronically exhausted. My boobs still hurt. I'm still sporting those achey cramps that prevent me from sleeping on my right side. Still hungry. Peeing like I'm made of water. Still no nausea. Still knocking on wood. Unless nausea is a good sign. I read somewhere once that the more intense the morning sickness the healthier the baby. Is my lack of morning sickness tied to my lower progesterone levels? If that's the case, can I please vomit already?!

Very Pregnant!

So today I went to the doctor's to get my blood test! I could barely sleep last night and despite falling asleep at 1am I woke up at 5:25am and finally at 6:20am I got up and did some prenatal yoga. Yes. I am that woman. Anyways we were out of the house at 8am and off to the doctor! Since we've been seeing a fertility specialist to get pregnant they want to make sure everything is progressing as it should before they release me to my OB for the remainder of my pregnancy, so that's where I went today. We paid the additional fee to have our labs done in the office and given back this afternoon. Please. Do I seem like a woman with patience? I'm not. I've waited long enough for this pregnancy.

I got a call a couple hours after leaving the office - in the middle of a much needed nap - and the girl on the other end informed me that I was "VERY pregnant!" and I was full awake from my nap! After a bunch of "REALLY? REALLY!" on my end she told me that anything under 5 mIU/ml of hCg is considered negative and I had over 200 which puts me firmly in the 4 week category (see THIS for reference) just like I thought! I have to go back on Monday for another blood test to ensure that my hCg has increased by at least 66% to ensure that the embryo is continuing to grow and develop. Pending the results of THAT test I will have an ultrasound in 2 weeks (so between May 23-27) where they will check fetal growth and I will get to hear a HEARTBEAT. Yes. You read that right. HEARTBEAT. At 67.5 weeks! I guess infertility treatment is a good way to speed up the milestone appointments!

After I get to the heartbeat appointment - and if the Doctor is satisfied with Bebe's development - I will have fond farewell's bid to me and be sent off to my OB/GYN for the remainder of my pregnancy. Yay for plans! Yay for being very pregnant!

Today, symptom wise, I am exhausted. Though considering my sleep last night? Not surprised. I also have some low achey cramps which my paranoia that something is wrong has led me to research in order to find out it is my uterus beginning to stretch to prepare for Bebe. Strangely, sleeping on my right side is super uncomfortable and so I'm resigned to sleeping on my left. I am definitely noticing an increase in peeing but I also attribute this to me increasing my fluid intake. No morning sickness yet! I'm sort of anticipating it in the same way you anxiously anticipate finals. You don't want to go through it, but you know you have to, so let's just prepare and get it over with.